I’m ALIVE!

August 16, 2010 § 3 Comments

So I realize that I sort of dropped off the face of the planet there for a few days.  And even the posts that I did put up were really nothing great, just random thoughts that came to mind.  I promise, I am still alive though.

Last week I spent three days at the beach with a friend from school and her family.  By family, I mean every person in their bloodline (basically).  I have never seen anything like it.  To my complete surprise when I arrived Tuesday afternoon Sarah said “Oh, the family is coming over for dinner.”  I must have looked perplexed wondering how that was possible since I had met her entire immediate family only weeks prior, so she added, “My extended family is down here this week too.  We all rent within a ten block radius of each other and hang out the whole week”.  To anyone else, this would have been completely normal, but to me, it was so foreign.

They began to show up around 6pm, and at first I was only expecting maybe ten people tops, considering it was a three bedroom, one level condo.  Within a half an hour there were at least thirty people crowding in waiting for dinner to be served.  They were all incredibly nice and welcoming to myself and her brother’s best friend Larry (being the only two people not related), but it was none-the-less overwhelming.  This is when I realized a few things about myself.  1)  I am not good with kids.  Babies, yes.  But children, no.  I never really understood that either.  It’s not that I don’t try, because I definitely do, copying what I see my friends/brothers do with kids that they seem to enjoy, but it always comes off fake and kids can tell.  They just don’t want to be around me.  From the time their born until about three years old, they’re cool, then until their in about middle school, we just don’t click.  Once their about ten/eleven, we do fine again though.  It’s weird.  2)  My family is not really family-ish.  I can never explain this to people, its more something that you just have to see.  3)  I am extremely uncomfortable in large crowds, and it’s made worse around people I do not know.  I’m even uncomfortable around my own extended family because I haven’t been close to them growing up.  4)  I’m all too aware that people will judge me.  I never act myself in situations such as these.  I put on an act, and become shy and quiet.  It’s weird.  (More on all of this later)

So anyways, I left there Thursday afternoon to head home, when I was struck down by the worst menstrual cramps known to mankind.  I cried the entire three hours it took me to get home, gripping the steering wheel to keep from driving into on-coming traffic.  I actually considered at one point that the devil must have placed his anti-Christ child in me while I was asleep the night before and it was not attempting to birth itself Alien-style (straight through my stomach).  When I arrived home, I immediately overdosed on pain killers and Pepsi, grabbed my heating pad from the drawer, and crawled into bed to wait out the pain.  I spent the remainder of the day reading every post on this site, which if you have yet to check out, you are seriously deprived.  Anyways, the pain finally subsided a few hours later, and I went to bed that night feeling fine.

The next morning I woke up with a sore throat.  I thought maybe it would go away with some cough drops, until that afternoon when the body aches kicked in.  I knew I was now very sick.  Here’s the thing about me and sickness.  I can never just get a cough or a cold that I am still functional with.  When I get something, I get it all, and I’m down for the count for days.  Not to mention, I am the biggest baby alive when it comes to being sick.  I always cry and think I’m dying.  So I have been in bed since Thursday now, unable to stomach more than bagels, downing the world’s supply of Halls cough drops, and on a six hourly regimen on NyQuil.  I haven’t had a fever yet today, and I am feeling much better than I have in days, so let’s just keep those fingers crossed that this is me taking a turn for the better!

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§ 3 Responses to I’m ALIVE!

  • Hope you feel better soon! As a side note about kids…I felt the same as you before I had kids. Actually I still am not all that great with other people’s kids, but with my own, I’ve never had a problem. It’s one of those things you just have to experience for yourself I guess for someone like me, at least. Take care of yourself!
    Michelle

  • I can relate completely to feeling that awkward and uncomfortable sensation while in a large group, specifically one in which all others are acquainted or related but me. Why is it so difficult to just be ourselves sometimes? Hope you feel better soon 🙂

    • The strangest part is that when I am in a completely new place (ie-going away to college), alone, I am fine. I am actually more myself than I am around people I’ve known for years. Just more stuff to figure out…. *sigh*

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